On hard emotions…
Are you emotionally regulating… or repressing?
Most of us don’t learn how to deal with hard emotions like anger, sadness, despair, grief as children... So, we learn how to regulate ourselves and how to push down hard things in order to feel better temporarily, keep the peace, or not make others mad in the process. Especially if we are (recovering!) people pleasers, we learn how to avoid the hard stuff, usually resulting in anxiety. Excessive self regulation (always needing to use coping skills to manage big emotions) around certain people or situations can be mentally and physically exhausting. Rather, could we begin to get curious with ourselves: what’s actually coming up for me when I’m around (insert person or place)?
Because the hard truth is that….
The emotion does not actually disappear, it gets stuck in the body. AND it can get un-stuck, by taking ourselves seriously.
We can learn how to move emotions through our bodies in healthy ways that does not require excessive coping.
Coping skills are meant to be used on occasion, for stressful situations.
Emotional Regulation is our ability to exert control over our emotions usually by utilizing a coping technique like self talk, gratitude, breath work.
Repression is our (unconscious) process of pushing down unwanted emotions in order to quell our anxiety.
Both are adaptive and helpful at times… however, pushing down emotions for extended periods of time keep us stuck and in pain (emotionally and physically!)
What to practice, instead….
Make a list of major relationships, situations, events in your life. How do you actually feel here? Supported, heard, loved, seen? Stifled, judged, scared, angry? Being honest with yourself is the first (hard!) step.
Give yourself permission to feel the emotion. “It is safe to feel my feelings. In regard to (insert situation or person), I feel (insert feeling). This is okay.
Move your body. Not in a “I need to run a marathon” way (unless that’s your jam!) but in a shake it off way. Just like our animal friends who shake when they experience a trauma or upsetting event, we need to move, stretch, shake, dance our bodies towards equilibrium.
The journey toward conscious and awakened living is not an easy one. However, it is one that will bring you closer to loving and feeling empowered in your own skin. And you deserve to love every inch of you!
Wishing you lots of love and the best of health,
Meghan